i hate it when you're away,

i wish things weren't this way .

--

my heart hurts,

and i don't know when it'll stop.

i must’ve missed your message,

you got it wrong,

it wasn’t what your friend said .

i can tell by your tone,

that i’ve taken it too far again.

just when i thought i'd gone and fixed it all again .

your friends are telling you that you've gotta move on.

and just when i thought i'd gone and wrecked it all again,

you turned around so i could tell you what took so long .

now i’m just dying just to see you again .

i should've known,

but i took you and i for granted .

i've gotta let you know,

that i was never underhanded .

my friends are telling me they saw you with someone .

my last mistake,

putting my friends first .

i tried to laugh it off but i made things worse .

what you give is always what you get,

but there's so much i haven't given yet.

i wonder if you could give me another second chance .

spent the evening chilling out

while listening to Sean play his guitar and sing 'pretty songs'.

headed to Clarke Quay for dinner .

went home,

then got a text from Justin at 2 in the morning :

which was followed by a phone call :

(Hollaback Girl was playing loudly in the background)

okay i love youuuu!

and after that Sean called and decided that

he wanted to come over to hang out,

explaining that he was feeling emo and lonely .

(i suspect he was bullshitting, he obviously missed me haha)

yes,

i snuck him into my home at 3am without anyone knowing.

he left at 5plus to bus home.

i slept after he left,

till about noon?

then i brought Reyan out.

ooookay,

i'm going to take a nap before dinner now.

i really, really, really have to hit the gym.

like soon,

before i become scarily obese .

yesterday i woke up at 12 and was online till 8,

took a break to watch telly,

and then went back on at 11 till 3+ in the morning.

today i woke up at 1 and i've been online ever since.

which makes it about 6 hours.

see what i mean?

but i've had quite a few entertaining conversations :

jerome says:
go shopping with you? i need to bring what $1000?

i confirm spend like crazy.
audrey ♥ rockstar says:
spend on me
audrey ♥ rockstar says:
investment
jerome says:
HAHA. no returns ah
audrey ♥ rockstar says:
a hug?
jerome says:
eh like that shouldnt it be the other way round
audrey ♥ rockstar says:
you wanna hug me?
audrey ♥ rockstar says:
oh also can
audrey ♥ rockstar says:
free hug and free clothes
jerome says:
eh what do you take me for ah
jerome says:
bloody hell. HAHA.
(and then we started talking about his ex)

jerome says:
remember Vanessa?
jerome says:
she loved me but she didnt know how to show it
audrey ♥ rockstar says:
whos vanessa -.-
jerome says:
my ex girlfr, the problemetic one
audrey ♥ rockstar says:
i thought it was eleanor?!
audrey ♥ rockstar says:
or michelle

audrey ♥ rockstar says:
hahahhhahahahah
jerome says:
haha NO!
audrey ♥ rockstar says:
eh you got alot of girlfrs eh
jerome says:
no lah
jerome says:
i think you got more
jerome says:
HAHA
audrey ♥ rockstar says:
huh i dont have girlfrs luh

audrey ♥ rockstar says:
i want to be like you
audrey ♥ rockstar says:
got so many girlfrs

jerome says:
please do not turn to the crooked side.
audrey ♥ rockstar says:
if i dont will you bring me shopping!
jerome says:
eh what is this, now threatening me all ah!

--

audrey ♥ rockstar says:
could you do me a favour?

pretty pretty please with a cherry on top?

Sean. says:
what's it?
audrey ♥ rockstar says:
oh nevermind
audrey ♥ rockstar says:
someone did it for me already

Sean. says:
hahaha. did what.
audrey ♥ rockstar says:
the favour.

Sean. says:
what's the favour?!

audrey ♥ rockstar says:
oh buckle up my bra

audrey ♥ rockstar says:
haha
Sean. says:
WAH LAU!

Sean. says:

):

audrey ♥ rockstar says:
hahaha i was kidding.

i wanted you to help me download a few songs thats all

#1 Baby Shane, The Day After He Was Born

#2 Imma Freak

#3 Tania

#4 Biggest Nehneh

i hate it that i've become this totally clingy thing.

i used to be me .

now i'm meandyou.

i guess i'm not strong enough or something.

i never thought this would actually happen to me .

i don't think i've had like a major problem with self-confidence

(up till recently of course)

and i could never relate to those dorky articles in

teen magazines that tell you how to raise your self-esteem.

oh and have i mentioned the girls who keep complaining

about their body, face, hair and blah?

newsflash,

i've become one of them.

i used to be totally comfortable in my own skin

(up till recently of course)

maybe it's the whole boyfriend thing .

y'know?

okay maybe you don't.

--

i won't try to philosophize,

i'll just take a deep breath and look in your eyes .

this is how i feel and it's so surreal.

i've got a closet filled up to the brim

with the ghosts of my past and the scattered sins .

when i think about you,

i never thought that you could break me apart.

i keep a sinister smile and a hold of my heart .

i feel a weakness coming on,

and it's never felt so good to be so wrong .

i had my heart on lockdown,

and then you turned me around.

i'm back from never-never-land.

sorry i haven't been online since forever.

my computer was so screwed so i've got a brand new one .

hokay imma upload pictures from Gab's barbecue.

(which was weeks ago)

there are many more but i am, as usual very lazy.

besides,

right now i'm too exhausted to explain what's wrong,

and too exhausted to pretend everything's fine.